Confessions of the Ego & Divine Manifestations: A BQH Session Story Part 2



This is a reshare of an oldie but goodie from one of Karen and I's first Beyond Quantum Healing (BQH) sessions in the summer of 2019. It is loaded with magic! Read the first part here about The Fly. Hope you enjoy!


It was a cloudy, grey rainy day as we landed in the coffee shop. The waitress approached us and said, "There's a reservation, they're waiting for you."


"Who could that be?!" I said, with excitement and wonder. "Let's go find out!" Apprehensively, she turned the corner following the waitress' lead and started giggling. "Who is it?" I asked. She replied, "God and my Ego."


Wowww I've never talked to an ego before and I've only come across this once in the hundreds of videos I've watched on regression! You'd think I'd be excited to talk to God but something about the Ego intrigued me. We always talk to higher dimensional Source beings in sessions, it's uncommon for the Ego to show up in this way, at least that I've seen.


"They're looking at me like who you gonna pick? Who're you gonna sit with?" she said as she proceeded to pull up a chair to the end of the table. She sat in the middle between them and said, "I'm not doing that, I'm not picking sides!!"


God presented as male, a grandfather clock like the one in Beauty and the Beast but later shifted into a grandfather-like humanoid being with silver hair and a grey beard wearing shorts and a t-shirt with flip flops as if he were going to the beach. The Ego looked like her, but a cockier, self-assured version with a baseball cap tipped to the side and a sure fire grin on his face. I thought it was interesting that she referred to her ego as male. God asked if he could try on the Ego's hat so then they were both wearing hats lol.


This felt like a movie to me, like the classic angel/devil on your shoulder scene. I could see Morgan Freeman playing a wise, benevolent God with a cocky devilish man-child sidekick. And before we got down to business, they ordered a round of drinks. Karen ordered an espresso, God had tea because "he wanted to see what it was like to drink with his pinky up", and the Ego, a diet pepsi.. "because I can do whatever I want, it's a guilt-free day!" he said with delight. I found the choices very telling.


The first thing Ego wanted to say was that my induction was way too long! I was trying out something new for clients that may need more time getting past the mind. In my script I mentioned to be One with All and Ego said that this includes the mind so he decided it to be the perfect opportunity to come along.


Technically, he was right so I couldn't argue. I realized that in trying to bypass the mind, I actually invited it! Although he didn't like the length of my induction and was making her itchy trying to distract her, he liked that it included him and was ecstatic to finally have a voice. I looked over at her towards the end of it and her chest was blotchy red. She always complains about being itchy during meditation and now we know who's behind it.


Ego reached over and tipped God's hat sideways like his.


"So let's ask them why they called you here,'' I said. Ego was happy to reply and in a petulant child-like voice said, "I just always wanted to be part of this. No one ever asks me questions!"


Well thank you for joining us today, Ego. What a great opportunity!


"Happy to be here!" he said with excitement. And we allowed ego to speak through Karen directly to me so we could ask him questions…


Ego: We had a rough couple of days. I started it. Because I can. Because she listens to me.


Me: But not for long...


Ego: No, she lets me talk. She gives me the microphone and lets me talk. I talk all day and then by the end of it, she brings me back and holds me and says it's ok, I'm allowed.


Me: Do you like that?


Ego : Of course! Any attention, I'll take it.


Me: So what was it you were talking about?


Ego: Oh just old stuff, she hasn't felt the old stuff in a long time so I wanted to bring that up again.


Me: Why do you do that?


Ego: So she remembers me.


Me: Do you think she forgets you?


Ego: Lately she has. That's what it feels like so I bring up things once in awhile to get her attention. I give her anxiety. Yeah, just until she knows I'm there but then she shuts that down real quick. But she talks to me every time. She knows it's me.


Me: She says she has battles between you and her spirit.


Ego: Yeah it's been hard for me. She always likes to put me on vacation which is fine. I don't mind but it usually doesn't last. I didn't think it would last that long. It's been REALLY long.


Me: Tell us more..


Ego: I like to put thoughts in her mind, ya know, just to test her. Sometimes she baits.


Me: What kind of thoughts do you put in her mind?


Ego: You know like old things like.. Money stuff, relationship stuff, kids stuff, ex-husband stuff.. Everything that really gets to her. I just bring up all her old lack paradigms. That's fun! But I don't mean it, it's really just to get her attention.


Me: What do you want from her when you do those things?


Ego: I want her to sit with me instead of having to calm herself. Not to say that I feed off it...well I do, but…(smiling)


Me: So you want love from her?


Ego: (in a very child-like voice) ... Yes, of course. Isn't that what it's all about?


Me: She probably thinks she's doing you a favor when she sends you on vacation. Where do you go when you go on vacation?


Ego: I go to the beach and drink Pina coladas! She imagines it! She sees me sitting in the chair and she keeps those drinks coming for me!


Me: She probably likes when you stay there awhile but I don't think that's because she doesn't love you.


(at this point I was hearing a scratching noise that sounded like it was coming from outside the open window and it was making me a bit nervous)


Ego: No, I don't think so either.


Me: Maybe it's because you give her anxiety and she doesn't like to feel that.


Ego: Yeah I know where she's coming from. I've worked with her for a long time. I've seen her patterns so I know exactly where to push.


Me: What was it about this last few days that made you push?


Ego: She was feeling vulnerable. She was in her feelings soooo I was like great! Maybe she needs me so I piled in the thoughts. I don't think she appreciated that. She spent the whole day crying. She talked to me after and she didn't appreciate it.


Me: What did she say?


Ego: She said she didn't appreciate it.(giggle) She knew I went too far with it.


Me: So you put in the thoughts, the old thoughts.


Ego: Yeah I just like to test her. I guess those are just my methods.


Me: What other methods do you have besides putting thoughts in her head and causing her anxiety?


Ego: That's mainly it.. Thoughts. Sometimes I can set an intention and have something play on the radio or show up and it'll remind her. It'll spark something, a memory of hers. She'll hear like a sad song and it'll make her sad.


Me: Do you like when she feels sad?


And then there is was!! A HUGE BAT came flying out of my baseboard heating vent!!! I couldn't believe my eyes, it was so surreal!! I screamed. Loudly. It scared me to say the very least but somehow I found the wherewithal to tell Karen to stay under the covers and all would be well. It had a wingspan of about 10 inches and was flying in circles around the room over our heads. I could not believe this was happening!! Especially after the last session incident with the Fly and the fire! (Find that story HERE.)


I dialed the emergency number for maintenance and no one answered which was extremely odd. So I called one of the maintenance men that I know personally. When he answered, his voice sounded like a glitchy computer and I couldn't understand what he was saying but I continued to talk hoping he would hear me. It was so weird!! I ended up hanging up and calling him back and we had a better connection. He said he'd be right over.


By this time, the bat had came into the other room by the front door and away from Karen which I was thankful for. I had no idea what to do so I opened the front door hoping he would fly out but he just kept looping in circles and flying right past the opening. So I got a blanket out to try and direct him. Needless to say, I wasn't very successful lol.


Maintenance got there and I had the impression he didn't know what to do either. He had a broom in his hand as if somehow that was going to work. I was adamant about not hurting the bat! I knew that it was a divine manifestation and felt its fear in this strange environment. Finally I suggested a net. Maintenance left to get the net while the huge bat looped around my apartment frantically trying to get out. My dogs and I were standing on the porch while Karen was safe under the covers.


He came back and within a minute or two caught the bat and set him free. Funnily enough, he said they usually don't even bother with the net because the bats are so small they go right through it. Not this one!


I settled back in after about 30 minutes of bat-catching to check in on Karen and was still in shock over what just happened. I thought the grandfather fly was shocking but this tipped the scale! I thought I could handle anything after that session and apparently, a higher part of me wanted to test that theory lol.


Karen remained in the coffee shop the whole time I was gone with God and her Ego who were laughing at us. Apparently they found the whole situation hilarious. First a huge fly that interrupted our first online session and saved me from a fire. And since then, I had an 8 inch long praying mantis on my bedside table which I was telling her about just before the session. Jokingly, she said, "I would've died if I saw that in the room. Watch something bigger come in." I said to her, "Shh don't say that! Watch what you're asking for!"


God said the bat was a direct manifestation of that conversation and later we would find out the symbology.


Moral of the story, WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS!! We're manifesting at rapid speed right now. We get what we ask for.


We continued our conversation with the Ego.


Me: So we talked about how you implant old thoughts and memories into her head to make her anxious or sad in order to get her attention. But instead of you having to resort to those things, what can she do to show you love and affection so you won't have to do that anymore?


Ego: Well, she can just incorporate me in her morning routine, ya know. Maybe say good morning!


Me: Even while you're on vacation?


Ego: Of course, especially when I'm on vacation, it gets very lonely.


Me: Yes, and you like to talk.


Ego: I was just trying to get her attention now with that bat.


Me: Well, I think you got it. You got mine for sure! She was nice and safe under the covers while I had to deal with the Bat.


Ego: She saw it.


Me: So you just want her to say hello and give you some love. Would that lessen your need for interfering with old thoughts?


Ego: You know, I was with her until she went on that sick leave and then during that sick leave, she figured it out! I've been with her up until that point. She figured it out! (Karen was on sick leave 3 years ago for anxiety and depression)


Me: And then what happened when she figured it out?


Ego: She brought me to the beach!! That's what she did!! She figured great, now that I know what to do, he can just take a vacation! So I thought that was a great idea at first! I was like great, let's go to the beach, but it's been a long time that I've been at the beach!


Me: Yes but you've made appearances since then.


Ego: Little ones! She's been very good at taking me back there! But I know what's good for her and I know what I do is not nice. How is she going to love me if I keep doing that? My old methods are not working well. They worked well for like 33 years but she's evolved. So I mean I know that when she does acknowledge me, I feel better so, you know, I can work with that.


Me: With just her acknowledgement? So then you won't have to do those things?


Ego: No, not on purpose. But sometimes I am genuinely scared.


Me: What makes you scared?


Ego: Well, you know like everything could happen, you gotta be prepared!


Me: What about instead of thinking of all the things that could go wrong, you think about all the amazing things could go right?


Ego: I guess it's just easier. But she's trying to reprogram herself that way.


Me: And what do you think about that?


Ego: I think as long as she talks to me sometimes, I'm cool with that. I do wanna see her happy.


Me: You do?


Ego: Yes, because if she doesn't exist, I don't exist.


Me: Is it possible for you to evolve with her?


Ego: I'm sure I can make arrangements.


Me: Maybe you could learn some of the lessons she's learned.


Ego: I've watched.


Me: What do you think about those things?


Ego: I know it's working for her, that's why I've been on vacation a long time. I pop in sometimes, she does take my opinion into consideration. She's really good to me, we talk a lot. We always have conversations, sometimes we bicker.


Me: How so?


Ego: I just argue and argue. I throw her for a loop sometimes. I know it sounds kinda narcissistic but I saw that she was very easily manipulated before. Shame on me.


Me: Oh so you took advantage of that?


Ego: Absolutely! Guilty.


Me: But she's not easily manipulated anymore.


Ego: No, it's hard. That's why I really have to put it all on. A package of thoughts. Anything I can think of. Then she feels bad and there she is talking to her inner child again! Sometimes I take it too far, I acknowledge that. (with a smirky grin on her face)


Me: But you seem to be pleased with yourself.


Ego: (smiling) Sometimes, yeah... I'm just happy to be able to talk about it.


Me: You like having this voice?


Egi: YES!


Me: And that's why you showed up today? To talk about it?


Ego : Of course! When do I ever get a session? (I couldn't help but laugh)


Me: It's kinda like you wanted to brag about your methods.


Ego: I showed up!! I show up for her all the time! So I brought God. That was the deal.


Me: Oh was that the arrangement?


Ego: Yeah I made an arrangement with God! The deal was that I tell the truth and he will go on vacation with me sometimes. So that I'm not lonely.


Me: Oh that's nice... What else do you want to tell us today?


Ego: I don't know. I'm actually speechless.


Me: Wow, is that the first time ever?


Ego: No, I was speechless when she did a lot of healing work. I didn't think she was gonna go through with it.


Me: Why is that?


Ego: Because she didn't for that long.


Me: Were you holding her back from going through with it?


Ego: Well I definitely was terrified.


Me: How so? What is it about the healing work that scares you?


Ego: (in a quiet child like voice) That she'll forget me. You know, we have a history.


Me: But did she forget you?


Ego: No. I realize.


Me: I think inextricably you'll always be a part of her. I don't think you're ever going to be banished to the beach forever. We as humans we need our ego, a healthy ego. There's a difference between a healthy and unhealthy ego. The ego keeps us safe in this world of duality but not in an irrational way where our mind has to be going all the time thinking of old thoughts and memories that hold us back. But we do need a healthy ego to keep us safe and productive and protected. Maybe you can start functioning for her in that way instead of your old way?


Ego: I never thought of it that way.


Me: Do you think you can try?


Ego: Yeah if it'll keep me around longer!


Me: Of course it will.


Ego: Great! That sounds like a good role! Then she won't have to banish me to the beach.


Me: You can be her healthy ego and heal alongside her. Instead of sticking to your old ways, maybe you can do some healing too.


Ego: I'll definitely give it a try.


Me: That would be great, I think she'll appreciate that. I don't think we should banish any parts of ourselves. We're made the way we are because we need all of our parts.


Ego: She tells me that all the time, she doesn't get mad at me or anything. She never does. She knows I'm just showing her something and she appreciates it but I'll try another way. I'm willing to do that for her.


Me: That's wonderful, thank you so much. Because we're not trying to get rid of you, we're just trying to grow and evolve. And it would be helpful for you to grow and evolve with us instead of resorting to your old ways.


Ego: Yeah I see it doesn't work as much as it used to.


Me: Or it works briefly and you're back to the beach again.


Ego: Pretty much.


Me: So instead of going to the beach, you can work together.


Ego: That sounds good, I'd like to take a vacation from the beach. Maybe then I'll wanna go there voluntarily.


Me: Yeah and then you won't have to sneak in to cause chaos.


Ego: She's very good at catching it, I can't trick her anymore.


Me: How did you trick her?


Ego: I'd sabotage her big time. I'd bring up all her insecurities. She'd doubt herself and go back inward to be with me.


Me: And you liked that?


Ego: Yeah.


Me: But you kept her very small.


Ego: I did, it was a tactic. But I was selfish.


Me: Yes because it didn't allow her to grow and kept her in that tiny little shell. Don't you want to see her expand and be happy and empowered, embodying her true self?


Ego: Yes, I've seen it. I'm happy to see her that way but I'd just like for her to be cautious.


Me: Cautious.


Ego: JUST IN CASE! You never know!


Me: Right, you never know and the other side of that coin is you never know how amazing it's gonna be.


Ego: (in the soft child like voice) I don't like you questioning me and throwing that in my face.


Me: Of course you don't but it's the truth.


Ego: I bet.


Me: Yes you're right, we never know what could happen. But we can't know all the things that could go right either because we can't predict the future so there's no use in worrying about it. The fact is we're worried about something we can't know anyway. Something that hasn't even happened yet and may never. Surely, you can use your imagination in a better way than that. All the what-ifs just hold us back from our true potential and if we were to live in that space all the time we would stay very, very small.


Ego: Well, I sure hope you take your own advice.


Me: Oh I always do. Everything I say to you, I try to do too. We're all learning. Do you have a message for me?


Ego: (surprised) You want a message from me?? Oh well, off the top of my head, because it's big! ... Yeah you're really nice! You're really nice. So continue to be nice. Sometimes it can suck all the time, stay nice.


Me: What can suck?


Ego: Life! Life can suck.


Me: Yes, it can but it can also be really beautiful. Depends on your perspective, right?


Ego: Well, I have a new exercise to do now so I'll let you know how that goes...


Me: It takes practice.


Ego: I've watched it.


Me: You've had an amazing example of how to do it, so I think you'll be fine. You just have to resist the urge to resort back to your old ways because it's very easy to slip back into. And know that she loves you no matter what.


Ego: I know. It's just really difficult, it's all I know.


Me: But like you said, you've been observing for a long time so you do know more. And when we know better, we do better. Now you know.


Ego: Considering you called me out I have no choice but to do it to prove you wrong.


Me: Whatever it takes....

What's God doing?


Ego: God says, "Ditto," he loves everybody.


End of session.


This was such an amazing experience all around, I really don't have the words. The Ego felt more like a child to me, maybe an inner child that knows it's doing wrong but just can't help it. He does it anyway for attention, positive or negative, just looking for love. I noticed a subtle paradox between him knowing he was wrong but at the same time, feeling compelled to do it anyway…just as he loved and hated my induction lol.. I think this speaks to the complexity of our human beingness.


The Ego is not our enemy. It's not something that we can just cast aside on an island forever. But it's an integral aspect of ourselves that we must learn to integrate with love and attention and give it a healthy role to play.


And the Bat. We looked up the symbology after the session.. Due to mostly medieval mythological stories, the bat is a largely misunderstood creature (as is the Ego). It is known as the Guardian of the Night and is a symbol of death and rebirth, of bringing the darkness to light. What a perfect metaphor for this session!


It lives in the belly of Mother Earth and from the womb-like caves it emerges every evening at dusk. From the womb, it is reborn. Bats are also known to be highly social creature